In the past year, aside from my official residence of Illinois, I have been in nearly half of our great 50 states:
Washington (Seattle)
California (San Jose, Carmel/Monterey, Napa Valley, San Francisco, Los Angeles)
Nevada (Reno)
Utah (Salt Lake City)
Wyoming
Nebraska (Omaha)
Iowa
Indiana (Bloomington, Indianapolis, Charlestown, French Lick)
Ohio (Cincinnati, Cleveland, Dayton)
Kentucky (Louisville)
Missouri (St Louis, Kansas City)
Kansas (Kansas City)
Louisiana (New Orleans, Shreveport)
Oklahoma (Oklahoma City)
Texas (Houston, Dallas, Galveston, Austin, Temple)
Minnesota (Minneapolis)
Georgia (Atlanta)
Alabama (Huntsville)
North Carolina (Charlotte)
Florida (Jacksonville, Tampa, St. Petersburg, Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Key West, Siesta Key)
New York (NYC, Buffalo)
Washington, D.C.
Wisconsin (somewhere in the middle of nowhere that had camping and whitewater rafting).
My feet have also touched foreign soil in the form of Montreal, London and Amsterdam.
Total whirlwind.
I wish I had the desire and/or time to calculate how many nights I've spent away from home, not sleeping in my glorious bed. I'd venture to say it would come out to 80-85% of my life spent elsewhere.
I'm not complaining, not one bit. I'm just now stepping back for one damn second to take inventory of what has happened in the past year. To what has happened to me.
It's relatively difficult to recognize this newer version of myself. The version that has become so accustomed to being alone that I don't function the same around people anymore. The version that worries and stresses about work more than I ever imagined I would. The version that cares about my job responsibilities and career more than I should. The version that has had to work even harder to not be overly negative and cynical. The version that lets a perfectly decent potential for a friendship or relationship (or, fuck, a television show) go by the wayside because, sometimes, it's just easier that way.
This new version is neither better nor worse than the previous model, it just is what it is. Hours and days spent alone (in cabs, airports, cars, restaurants, hotels...) to think, watch and analyze puts things (most importantly yourself) into perspective. I've always been an observant creature -- an analyst (if only I were a therapist as well), a people-watcher -- but having so much time to do just that has heightened my awareness exponentially. I take in so much on any given day it's amazing; my brain got so full of bizarre, unbelievable, humbling, fascinating things that I had to start a journal for the road to record all of my thoughts and observations just so I could make room for more. I have learned (and learned. and learned.) so many things and met a plethora of interesting people. Conversely, I've witnessed and dealt with plenty of rude, ignorant, annoying people to maintain my deep-seeded aggravation with the majority of the human population.
So, ladies and gentlemen, in summary: I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss the parts of my life that don't have anything to do with a job. I miss having the drive and/or time to be in a relationship. And although I'm grateful for the experiences (professionally and otherwise) that brought me here, frankly, I'm worn out. I believe in the industry in which I've established a career, I just hope to find a place in said industry that allows time for me to bring the focus back to the things that matter most.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Thursday, November 13, 2008
best thing this week
From Que Sera Sera:
"Yesterday, after voting, I was walking down the streets of my neighborhood in the best mood, all smiling at strangers and saying hello like I was in the opening scene of a fucking musical. I swung around lampposts and little birds helped me put on my sweater and a baby deer carried my groceries home. Then we all lowered the lights and listened to Billie Holiday and I’ve said too much already but it was so lovely.
"Yesterday, after voting, I was walking down the streets of my neighborhood in the best mood, all smiling at strangers and saying hello like I was in the opening scene of a fucking musical. I swung around lampposts and little birds helped me put on my sweater and a baby deer carried my groceries home. Then we all lowered the lights and listened to Billie Holiday and I’ve said too much already but it was so lovely.
Anyway, good job, America. I want to kiss you all during a ticker tape parade while wearing a nurse’s uniform. Dip me."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
and a grey Wolf howling into the night
Click here and peruse the comments.
Of note, "I am very partial to the bonus graphics on my arms," and "Gets you great reception for your cell phone as well."
Of note, "I am very partial to the bonus graphics on my arms," and "Gets you great reception for your cell phone as well."
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
guilty pleasure
According to iTunes, I have listened to the Kings of Leon song "Sex on Fire" 39 times in the last 20 days. First off, I’m shocked at how low this number is, I was certain it would be well over one thousand.
Of note, I listened to this song a good 20+ times before I actually paid much attention to the lyrics. This is relatively unheard of, as I am a lyrics freak by nature and tend to focus on such things when introduced to new music. But. This song is just so damn catchy. And the cracking in his voice makes me nervous in the loins. Combine that with the fact that he's practically yelling and dear lord. I’m sweating.
Of note, I listened to this song a good 20+ times before I actually paid much attention to the lyrics. This is relatively unheard of, as I am a lyrics freak by nature and tend to focus on such things when introduced to new music. But. This song is just so damn catchy. And the cracking in his voice makes me nervous in the loins. Combine that with the fact that he's practically yelling and dear lord. I’m sweating.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
a lack of oversight
Dialogue from a commercial for the local Oklahoma City cable company, Cox Communications:
Gray-Haired, Middle Aged Man: "With the high cost of things these days, it's more important than ever to find cheap phone service. That's why I switched to Cox."
Gray-Haired, Middle Aged Man: "With the high cost of things these days, it's more important than ever to find cheap phone service. That's why I switched to Cox."
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
this does not, however, make up for the lack of a social life
Sometimes (and only sometimes) traveling like a maniac for a living has its perks. For instance, visiting a site near a little beach town south of St. Petersburg, FL, on the Gulf of Mexico. And, by chance, ending up with a convertible rental and an oceanfront room with a balcony.
Then you get to wake up to this:
And sit around at a little bar on the beach to enjoy a beverage whilst the sun sets:
And feel the inexplicably irresistible urge to photograph your feet with the ocean:
Not too shabby, I must say.
I'm still trying desperately to narrow down my London and Amsterdam photos to the 10 best to post here, but it's proving relatively impossible.
Oh, and I spent last weekend at my 5-year college reunion. Good christ, I knew there was a reason I hadn't been back since graduation. I'm currently looking into therapy to deal with my debilitating inability to cope with missing that place and those people. Ouch.
Then you get to wake up to this:
And sit around at a little bar on the beach to enjoy a beverage whilst the sun sets:
And feel the inexplicably irresistible urge to photograph your feet with the ocean:
Not too shabby, I must say.
I'm still trying desperately to narrow down my London and Amsterdam photos to the 10 best to post here, but it's proving relatively impossible.
Oh, and I spent last weekend at my 5-year college reunion. Good christ, I knew there was a reason I hadn't been back since graduation. I'm currently looking into therapy to deal with my debilitating inability to cope with missing that place and those people. Ouch.
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