That "What If God Was One of Us" Song by Joan Osbourne

A song that, if I never heard again, would actually help me to lead a more rich and fulfilling life.

Month 2 Off of Birth Control: Progress Report

- I can't fit into any of my clothes.

- If I had a firearm I would kill people.

- Get me within six feet of something with testosterone and my loins explode.

- On the elevator today I nearly beat up a woman for wearing these with painfully short pants that made it all too clear that they were, in fact, mutant quarter-boots.

give me advice, o glorious internet

Without going into any details, I have received the most unbelieveably generous gift from one of my closest friends. A gift so huge I can't believe it's happening.

At the risk of sounding horribly cheesy and overdramatic: How do you thank someone for essentially saving your life?

At which point you turn around and head directly back to bed.

This morning I emerged from the underground train station to a different downtown Chicago. Dense, low-lying clouds cut the tall buildings in half. It's dark, ominous, grey; misting freezing rain. Jeff Buckley's "Lover, You Should Have Come Over" pours into my ears.

Grey's Blew and The Flying Tomato Scares Me

Last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy blew serious ass. I know the show is over-dramatic and ridiculous and completely unrealistic, all reasons I've been addicted since Day 1, but it crossed the line into horrible last night.

George almost making out with Bailey, hand on chin, then straddling her and putting his boner on her back?

The OR with the bomb being directly over the main oxygen supply?

McDreamy pounding on Bailey's husband's chest in frustration and it brings him back to life?

Head dude having an anxiety attack in the middle of it all?

The bomb blowing cute bomb-squadder into pink dust just by him holding it after it sustained an ambulance ride, being rolled all over the place before anyone knew there was a bomb there, a hand-shift, being moved to another OR and surgically removed?? UGH!

And DON'T get me started on that dream sequence Meredith had starring McDreamy. God, I'm swallowing puke.

Moving on...

Yesterday this 19-year-old kid won the gold medal for the snowboarding half pipe event. His name is Shaun White. His nickname is "The Flying Tomato" because of his red hair. Clever. Whatever.

While I am beside myself with happiness over his big win, I couldn't help but notice something when he removed his helmet and goggles...he looks like an ugly woman:

the slow decline

The past few weekends have been an absolute whirlwind of visitors, events and drinking our faces off. I'm fighting a mad case of congestive liver failure as I type.

As I was uploading and organizing the photographic evidence of debauchery, it became clear that, when drinking is involved (which is 99% of the time), we follow a pretty distinct pattern of events:

Phase 1: Cute, sober pictures of friends enjoying a beverage.
Phase 2: Not so cute drunk pictures of friends.
Phase 3: Pictures of people acting like douchebags.
Phase 4: Cigarettes.
and, if all goes well,
Phase 5: Kissing.

The kissing aspect is perhaps the most fascinating because, nine times out of ten, the people involved in the lip-lock are either not dating, dating other people or of the same sex but not homosexual. It's a glorious thing.

Click on the albums below to see The Phases in action:

Savin' Fun
Beers, Burgers and Bears
The Bowl of Super-Ness

Words of the Wise

On Relationships:

"The actual feeling of being in love only lasts for a few months, after that you are either in a good, solid relationship with someone who is supportive and reliable, or you are in a hateful, resentful one with someone who is a real shit. The only thing you can do is just take the fucking leap."

On Blow-jobs:

"Don't bite it and pretend to like it."



(from natalie dee)

The top 3 things seen on the highway while road tripping last weekend:

1.

2.

3. On the back window of a large pick-up truck:

Got-'R-Done
Jimmy and Joanna
July 23, 2005