In the past year, aside from my official residence of Illinois, I have been in nearly half of our great 50 states:
Washington (Seattle)
California (San Jose, Carmel/Monterey, Napa Valley, San Francisco, Los Angeles)
Nevada (Reno)
Utah (Salt Lake City)
Wyoming
Nebraska (Omaha)
Iowa
Indiana (Bloomington, Indianapolis, Charlestown, French Lick)
Ohio (Cincinnati, Cleveland, Dayton)
Kentucky (Louisville)
Missouri (St Louis, Kansas City)
Kansas (Kansas City)
Louisiana (New Orleans, Shreveport)
Oklahoma (Oklahoma City)
Texas (Houston, Dallas, Galveston, Austin, Temple)
Minnesota (Minneapolis)
Georgia (Atlanta)
Alabama (Huntsville)
North Carolina (Charlotte)
Florida (Jacksonville, Tampa, St. Petersburg, Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Key West, Siesta Key)
New York (NYC, Buffalo)
Washington, D.C.
Wisconsin (somewhere in the middle of nowhere that had camping and whitewater rafting).
My feet have also touched foreign soil in the form of Montreal, London and Amsterdam.
Total whirlwind.
I wish I had the desire and/or time to calculate how many nights I've spent away from home, not sleeping in my glorious bed. I'd venture to say it would come out to 80-85% of my life spent elsewhere.
I'm not complaining, not one bit. I'm just now stepping back for one damn second to take inventory of what has happened in the past year. To what has happened to me.
It's relatively difficult to recognize this newer version of myself. The version that has become so accustomed to being alone that I don't function the same around people anymore. The version that worries and stresses about work more than I ever imagined I would. The version that cares about my job responsibilities and career more than I should. The version that has had to work even harder to not be overly negative and cynical. The version that lets a perfectly decent potential for a friendship or relationship (or, fuck, a television show) go by the wayside because, sometimes, it's just easier that way.
This new version is neither better nor worse than the previous model, it just is what it is. Hours and days spent alone (in cabs, airports, cars, restaurants, hotels...) to think, watch and analyze puts things (most importantly yourself) into perspective. I've always been an observant creature -- an analyst (if only I were a therapist as well), a people-watcher -- but having so much time to do just that has heightened my awareness exponentially. I take in so much on any given day it's amazing; my brain got so full of bizarre, unbelievable, humbling, fascinating things that I had to start a journal for the road to record all of my thoughts and observations just so I could make room for more. I have learned (and learned. and learned.) so many things and met a plethora of interesting people. Conversely, I've witnessed and dealt with plenty of rude, ignorant, annoying people to maintain my deep-seeded aggravation with the majority of the human population.
So, ladies and gentlemen, in summary: I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss the parts of my life that don't have anything to do with a job. I miss having the drive and/or time to be in a relationship. And although I'm grateful for the experiences (professionally and otherwise) that brought me here, frankly, I'm worn out. I believe in the industry in which I've established a career, I just hope to find a place in said industry that allows time for me to bring the focus back to the things that matter most.